How to write the ultimate chick flick

Friday night comes around, and the latest blockbuster is opening on seven screens at the nearest cineplex—ripe with gunfire, explosions, car chases and gratuitously bared breasts (in surround sound). And yet, you find yourself listening to it all through the wall of the theater next door while you watch Matthew McConaughey—or possibly Richard Gere—fall in love with a girl, scorn her, and ultimately rekindle their love while weepy women sniffle all around you.

How the sweet holy hell did you wind up in a chick flick? At this point, the question is moot. Your girlfriend—or gay friend who paid for the tickets and laid a guilt trip on you—has dragged you into this. Now it's up to you to make the best of it.

Every weekend, millions of couples sit through Hollywood's most recent chick flick offerings and nearly half of them enjoy themselves. That's millions of dollars spent just to rent a seat for two hours. "I wish I could get a slice of that money pie," you're thinking. Now you can, using CRACKED's patented How To Write the Ultimate Chick Flick Guide.